Kenshin the Door to Door Salesman (That he is)
by HungrySano
Summary: What if Kenshin was a door to door salesman and went around to other anime character's houses?
1. Part I

**Kenshin, the Door to Door Salesman (That he is)**

  
  
  


_A/N: I was just thinking what if Kenshin became a door to door salesman and had a route to lots of anime characters. So, I wrote this madness._   


Kenshin walked down the street, looking for the first designated block to sell his items. Do to the author's lack of imagination, Kenshin had NO clue what he was selling. Our red haired hero continued down the street until he bumped into the randomly appearing Kurineko. 

He looked at Kenshin pointed toward a street, "Nyao." 

Kenshin smiled politely, "Why thank you." 

Suddenly, Kurineko was jumped by Luna and Ryo-ohki. Nyao's, hissing and scratching were heard from the cloud of dust until the fight came to a sudden halt. 

Kenshin raised an eyebrow at this sight, "Oro?" 

Emerging from the cloud of clearing dust, Kurineko walked out on his hind legs, with his chest stuck out victoriously as Luna and Ryo-ohki were laid out on the ground. He looked up as Kenshin and held out his paw, "Nyao...nyao...NYAO!!!!!" (Translation: "Love...and...PEACE!!!!") 

"Oro?" 

------------------------------------ Finally making it to his designated block, Kenshin took a look at the street sign. He sighed as it read Bebop Drive. He turned around and looked at the author who was currently typing away, still half asleep while doing so. 

Kenshin sighed, "Could you be any MORE obvious?!" 

The author whined, "Gimme a break, It's 3 a.m. over here!" 

Kenshin sighed and muttered, "Get a life, that you should....." 

The author raised an eyebrow, "Huh? What'd you say?" 

Kenshin smiled, "Nothing at all." 

------------------------------------- 

Kenshin knocked on the first door of the block. It was only mere seconds before the door opened and Kenshin faced a woman with purple hair, and a very revealing outfit. 

Faye sweat dropped at the salesman who just caught a massive nosebleed and crashed to the floor while exclaiming "Oro". She sighed and shook her head before slamming the door shut, "Men." 

Kenshin recovered in a minute or so and said, "That was a very interesting woman, that she was." He dusted of his clothes and walked over to the next house. 

From the inside, he could her commotion as if a fight were going on. Objects could be heard crashing to the floor and such. Kenshin reached for his sword, but before he could unsheathe it, two gunshots went off and then the door was kicked down from the inside. Sanosuke came running out with a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and Vodka in the other. 

Sano zipped by Kenshin as a fuzzy green haired guy with a blue suit and loose tie came running after him, shooting of a handgun while yelling, "Come back here with my booze!" 

"Oro?" 

--------------------------------- 

Kenshin went off to the next house and knocked on the door. The door slowly opened as a tall man with long, grayish hair came out, wearing all black with a Katana by his side. His eyes seemed to narrow as he looked at Kenshin. He looked around, as if checking for an ambush then looked back down at Kenshin, "What?" 

Kenshin smiled, "Hello, sir. I'm here to show you the newest product my company has-" 

The door slammed in Kenshin's face. Literally. 

He fell over with a red mark on the front of his face, "Ooooorrrrrrrrooooooo......." 

*THUD*   
-----------------------------------

At last, Kenshin was on his way to a new block. He looked at his route list to see what was next. After looking at the paper, he pulled out his reverse bladed sword and flipped the blade around, marching off toward the author. The author of this story saw Kenshin coming and did what any brave, fan fiction writing soul would do. He let out a girlish, high pitched scream while begging forgiveness. For the next street read, Saitou Avenue. 

"I'll change it! I'll change it!" 

"Hiten Mitsurugi Style! Ryu Tsui Sen!"   
  
  
**_SEE YOU WANDERIN' SALESMAN_**


	2. Part II

**Kenshin the Door to Door Salesman (That he is)**

**PART II: Kenshin in the Gunsmoke!**

  
  
  
  
  


Where we last left everyone's favorite red haired, reverse bladed sword swingin' hero, he transformed into the Battousai and was preparing to do his impression of a meat butcher on the author. 

"I'll change it! I'll change it!" 

"Hiten Mitsurugi Style! Ryu Tsui Sen!" 

(_A/N: It's cop-out time, people!_) 

The author screamed, "Akane-san! Heeeeeeeelp!" 

Akane Tendo dropped from the sky, wielding her trusty mallet o' doom, bashing the enraged swordsman upside the head. Before Kenshin crashed to the ground, a pain stricken "oro" was heard as he collapsed. 

Suddenly, Akane felt hot all over her body and leapt into the author's arms. They quickly rushed to the nearest hotel to make sweet love. They tongue kissed and stripped each other down and jumped into the bed. The author whipped out his- 

Akane's note: EXCUSE ME?!   
Author's note: Can't blame a guy for trying, right? Hehehe....   
Akane: AUTHOR NO BAKA!!!!!   
*WHAM!*   
Author's note: *flying into inner orbit* GOMEN NASAIiiiiiiiiiiiii........   
Akane's note: ^^ Please ignore that last part. 

Later, after both Kenshin and the author recovered from the wrath of Akane Tendo's vicious beating, Kenshin went of to his next block. On his route list, the next destination was Gunsmoke Blvd. Kenshin was a little worried since it sounded like some kind of gang neighborhood, but then he thought about the las time someone actually shot at him and actually hit him. Kenshin's worries went down the toilet and he continued on his merry way. 

Arriving at the first house on the block, he knocked on the door, then waited. Suddenly, the door swung open, revealing a tall woman with brown hair and a happy smile. She wore something that looked less feminine than what most woman wore, but Kenshin didn't let it bother him. 

"Hello, My name is Kenshin Himura and my company has sent me to sell you our newest product." 

The woman looked at him blankly for a second, then went back to her smile, "Hi! My name is Milly Thompson. What is it you're selling?" 

Kenshin sweat dropped, "Um, I really don't know......" 

Milly cheered, "I just love mystery stuff! I'll take one!" 

Before another word was spoken, a shorter woman with dark hair came out with T-shirt and jeans on. She looked up at Milly with a frown, then at Kenshin. She looked back at Milly and said, "Milly, I told you. Don't buy stuff if you don't know what it is." 

Milly whined, "But Meryl, I like mysteries, besides, he looks like a nice man. He would do anything bad. 

Meryl raised an eyebrow suspiciously as she looked at Kenshin who now had on an angel costume with a cheap halo hanging over his head. He looked down at his clothes in shock, "ORO?!" 

Meryl shook her head, "Milly, it just another weirdo. Shut the door." 

Kenshin replied, "But I'm not a weirdo, that I'm n-" 

*SLAM!* 

".........................................oro?" 

-------------------------- 

  
  


The next house, Kenshin approached with caution. He had a very bad feeling about this next house, but deciding to continue this fanfic, he pressed on. He knocked on the door and waited for the resident to answer. After a 3 minutes wait, the door swung open, revealing a man with dark hair and a priest's uniform on with a cigarette hanging from the side of his mouth. 

"Yeah? Whaddya want, buddy?" 

"My company has sent me to sell you our newest product, that they have." 

"That they have, huh? Ya know, you look like you've got somethin' on yer mind. Wait here a second." 

Agreeing to the man's terms, Kenshin patently waited for what was coming to him. He expected to be shot at or struck with a blunt object. But, that's not what he had coming, not at all. Before our favorite samurai new it, he had a miniature church placed over his head and was being asked to confess his sins. 

"By the way, the name's Nicholas D. Wolfwood." 

"Oro?" 

"What the hell's an oro?" 

"..............." 

"Never mind. Now, what sins do you have to confess, my son?" 

"Actually, I have none at the moment and I-" 

*click* 

Kenshin felt a .45 automatic press against his chest as Wolfwood's voice became more firm, "I said what f*cking sins do you have to CONFESS?!" 

"Oro?" 

"Goddamnit, if you said that word again, I'm gonna resign as a priest and blow yer friggin' head off!" 

"But, I'm just a salesman, that I am." 

Wolfwood gasped and removed his miniature church from Kenshin's head. He sighed at the red haired warrior and said, "Some sins are too heavy for even a priest to hear about...." 

He silently shut the door in Kenshin's face. 

Kenshin was beginning to get fed up with the author's wacky insertions in this fanfic. He sighed and walked over to the next house and said to himself, "I'm going to beat the hell out of the author, that I am...." 

Knocking on the next door, he expected Monev the Gale top answer with a firing chain gun, or a pissed off Legato, or even the rowdy Nebraska Family. But, no. The person who answered the door was a woman with long, black hair. Two blonde kids with long hair stood on each side of her. One looked psychotic and evil and the other one looked like a normal child, despite him gulping down a dozen donuts, six at a time. 

"Hello, ma'am. I'm Kenshin Himura and my company has sent me on their behalf to offer you our new product." Kenshin still didn't know what the hell he was selling. A box poofed into existence, into his hands. Kenshin tried to play off his surprise and said, "Um, we're selling the contents of this box." 

"Donuts?" asked the normal looking boy. 

"Human heads?" asked the other. 

"Knives, stop that!" 

Little Knives got pissed off and said, "Screw you, Rem! I'm going off to kill a spider and eventually develop a philosophy based on that to exterminate human kind and in turn, make Vash's life a living hell until we come to a final showdown in some grassy knoll! So there!" 

Knives ran off, but before he did, he pulled out a modified revolver and shot at Rem, but the lightning quick Kenshin deflected it the last minute, saving her life. Knives cursed at his failure to kill Rem as he ran across the street and got hit by a blue GT500 with two female bounty hunters, listening to Chicago Jazz. The impact of the hit sent Knives into the air. 

*In the car* 

"Did you hear that, Rally?" 

"Hear what, May?" 

"Oh, well. Must've been my imagination." 

*back at Rem's house* 

Rem looked at Vash and said, "There's a lesson to learn here, Vash." 

Vash looked at Rem and said, "I know. No one has the right to take the life of another. As long as we stay alive we should maintain love and peace and help each other." 

Rem raised an eyebrow, "What the heck are you talking about? I meant look both ways before you cross the street!" 

Kenshin raised an eyebrow and decided to say something appropriate for the situation. 

"Oro?"   


**_TO BE CONTINUED..._**   
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Part III

**Kenshin the Door to Door Salesman (That he is)**

**Part III: Kenshin Mysteriously Plays Around**

_A/N: Yes! Another installment of my madness. Mwahahaha..ahem, I mean, enjoy. ^^_

Once again, Kenshin is off to another route. Reading his route card, the next destination is..

"Suzaku Avenue? The author really leaves no room for guessing, does he?"

(A/N: That he doesn't. ^^)

Continuing on, happily, Kenshin-

(K/N: DO I LOOK HAPPY TO YOU?!)

Continuing on with an attitude problem, most likely PMS, Kenshin-

(K/N: You're pissing me off, that you are....)

(A/N: Do you want me to call out Akane again?!)

(K/N: ............)

Continuing on his route, Kenshin arrives at the designated neighborhood. Suzaku avenue. Approaching the first door with extreme caution, he knocked, hoping that the person on the other side isn't someone with a level of power to blow him away. The door slowly creaked open as Kenshin raised an eyebrow at what he saw..

"Nyao!"

"Oro?"

Kenshin and the white cat had a weird looking staring match as a tall man with khakis and a white wife beater came to the door, barefoot. He looked down at Kenshin with a face of pure anger. He then raised an eyebrow at the wandering samurai and said in a disgruntled tone, "What the hell do YOU want?"

Kenshin gulped and said, "My company has sent me-"

"Company? I used to be with company....until they used me for my healing power. That's all I was to them. The healer. Heal this and heal that! I couldn't take it anymore! Everyone else got the spotlight, but what did I get? NOTHING! They lasted as long as they did because of ME! And what thanks do I get? A friggin pat on the back, a dead wife and a worthless bottle of holy water. Big friggin deal! They give Tamahome some demon power up, Nuriko MORE strength, like he needed anymore, and they give Tasuki a friggin diamond fan. DIAMOND! Hotohori gets a holy sword! A FRIGGIN' HOLY SWORD! But, I get holy water! What am I supposed to do, Bless my enemies and hope they go away?!"

Kenshin was completely lost and had no idea what he was talking about, "Uh, I-"

"But, I'll show 'em all. Oh, yes. I'll show 'em all. I've got this new technique, see? It's called the REVERSE healing spell. It's all so simple. I'll make them all pay. Observe."

Mitsukake pulled out an AR33 Assualt rifle and kissed it, "This is my baby. The key to my reverse healing spell. And with this, I'll show those Suzaku fools who the man is! MWAHAHAHAHA!"

Kenshin backed away slowly with a smile and nod. As soon as he was far enough onto the sidewalk, he hauled ass down the street. Unfortunately, that was only the first house of theis block, so he ended up hauling ass right next door. He once again came to the door carefully and knocked.

When the door squeaked open, an orange haired guy and a dark hair guy answered the door. They looked at Kenshin, then to each other. The raised their eyebrows, then looked back to Kenshin and said in unison, "What the f@#$ do you want?!"

Kenshin sighed, "My company has sent me to sell you our new product and-"

"Well, well, Koji. It seems we've got another salesman on our hands.....GET 'IM GUYS!"

Before Kenshin could even utter an oro, he was rushed by 20 guys dressed in ancient Chinese gear. Then, everything went completely black. He also felt his sword get snactched away before being knocked out.

When he came to, Kenshin was in a dark basement, and strapped into a chair before the man with the orange hair who stood in front of a fireplace with the flames rising. He smirked evilly and said, "Nothin' personal, pal. But we don't take to kindly on door to door salesmen around here. In fact, none of them has ever made it passed THIS house. Well, enough of the historical facts. It's torturing time!"

All the bandits cheered at the sound of those words. Kenshin's eyes were the size of dinner plates ans he looked all around at the cheering men who were planning to torture him, "Oro?"

That's when the rolled in a big TV set in front of Kenshin and popped in a purple tape. Kenshin happened to see the label and started to scream immediately, "No! No! For the love of God, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

And then.....the tape played.

_"What do you want to do, Barney?"_

_"Let's sing the math song!"_

_"Two plus two is four, two plus two is four, two plus two is four, two plus two is four, two plus two is four, two plus two is four, two plus two is four, two plus two is four, two plus two is four, two plus two is four, two plus two is four, two plus two is four, two plus two is four, two plus two is four!"_

_"That was great, let's sing the number song!"_

_"YAY!"_

_"One, two, three! Count with me! Four, five, six! We're in the mix! Seven, eight, nine! Don't fall behind! Now we're on ten! Let's sing again!" _

Kenshin struggled frantically to get free on the chair, but to no avail. Tears were coming out of his eyes by now, "Stop it! You're nothing but monsters, that you are! You people are just plain SICK!"

Suddenly, there was a knock on the basement door and a person called from the outside, "Knock, knock! Who's there? Koji! Koji, who? Koji with the 56 episodes of Teletubbies to torture the salesman with! Great, come on in! Thank you!"

The door opened and there stood the dark haired bandit with 56 tapes of the Teletubbies. Kenshin's eyes widened even further as his whole body trembled with fear, "No....no.....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

From the shockwave of pure horror and fear, Kenshin screamed as he ripped out of the chair straps and zoomed through the bandits in his path and slammed through the door, making a Kenshin shaped hole in it. Kenshin headed for the hills in an insane frenzy. 

But, since the author is a complete and utter JERK, Kenshin found himself at the fromt door of the next house. Kenshin sighed as he looked at the door, "There's no way this one could be any worse..."

When the door swung open and broke off the hinges, he came face to face with a man with purple hair who had on pink overalls with a sky blue t-shirt. The man gave Kenshin a smile which made the samurai feel very uncomforable. And thw inking didn't help much, either.

"Yes?"

"Uh, My name is Kenshin Himura and my company has sent me to sell you our new product."

"Really? Please, come in."

Kenshin complied and walked inside. Nuriko walked in behind him, shuttting the door and locking all 20 locks, then grinned evilly, "If I can't have his highness, this one will do nicely...."

(A/N: dum dum DUM!)

TO BE CONTINUED!


	4. Part IV

Kenshin the Door to Door Salesman (That he is)

Part IV: Kenshin's Ultimate Revenge!

The author typed up Kenshin's next deal.

But, Himura the Battousai had his fill.

He wished to put use to his skill

and said, "Die painfully, that you will!"

The author got up from his seat

and ran away in hasteful reteat.

Kenshin flipped the blade with gritted teeth

and bellowed death threats like a raging beast.

Vash stepped in his way, not letting anyone die.

Kenshin gave him dounts, Vash stepped aside.

The author ran to Aoshi's house for help

Aoshi replied, "Damn it, fight him yourself!"

The author turned around and started running again

as Kenshin came at him, "RYU TSUI SEN!"

He then went to the house of Gene Starwind

Gene was too drunk to even let him in.

There came the Battousai, ready to serve wrath

but the sword missed the author, cutting Gene's house in half.

The chase went on for a while, 10 minuntes passed

Kenshin never slashed him, but shoved a boot up his ass.

You should have seen this coming, Kenshin can't lose.

Spike also kicked the author's ass for making Sano steal his booze.

Everyone else beat him down cuz they felt the got screwed.

The author was indeed an asshole, that I knew.

_A/N: Hey! Who wrote that?!_

_K/N: Hmm, maybe it was Tasuki. He's a vandlizing bandit, that he is._

_T/N: WHAT?! RECCA-_

_A/N: Forget it! Just delete it._

_K/N: It was already sent to fanfiction.net, that it was._

_A/N: WHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?! _

_Real A/N: Don't get upset. The next chapter's coming soon. VERY soon. Finals are over! HOORAY!_


	5. Part V

**Kenshin the Door to Door Salesman (That he is)  
  
Part V: Just Plain Wrong  
**   
  
**A/N: Do to technical difficulties beyond my control, I will not be writing this chapter. Hajime Saitou has stated that I will die by Gatoutsu if I don't surrender the keyboard immediately.  
  
S/N: Please enjoy my version of the Battousai's predicament.  
  
K/N: Hold on a minute, this isn't right!  
  
A/N: No shit, read the title, dummy.  
  
K/N: I'm screwed, that I am.**  
  
  
  
As the battousai stepped into the house of the sexually frustrated cross dresser-  
  
**K/N: Wait! Since when was he sexually frustrated?!  
S/N: Since I said so, now be quiet!**   
  
As I was saying before being so rudely interrupted, the battousai entered the house of the sexually frustrated cross dresser who happened to carry a smile on his face that showed excitement and malice.   
  
"Please have a seat over there," said the cross dresser, motioning the battousai to a sofa in the living room which faced a fire place. Being the kind hearted dolt he is, the battousai sat, oblivious to what was in store for him. It was only 10 minutes later when the man returned with a crate full of grotesque sex toys, that the battousai realized what the cross dresser had been planning for him. Without his pathetic reverse bladed sword in his possession, he had no defense against Nuriko's sex craving desires of passion.  
  
**K/N: o.o; ORO?!   
A/N: This isn't gonna be pretty....**  
  
With a sweat drop materialized on the back of his head, the Battousai said with a smile that obviously tried to hide fear, "I'm sorry, but I'll have to decline, that I do."   
  
But, Nuriko refused to abort his mission to compensate for his failed mission to have Hotohori and gazed into the eyes of the Battousai with his hands behind his back. He smiled innocently as the Battousai uttered the word, "Oro?" Alas, it was the last word he was able to speak do to Nuriko using his special bracelets to expand his strength and delivering a quick blow to the Battousai's head.  
  
**K/N: Hey, I would've dodged that punch! I'm faster than that, that I am!  
S/N: Well, look at it this way. I'm writing the story and you aren't. Now stop your whining, Battousai. It's pathetic.  
K/N: ;_; I'm not whining.....  
A/N: Can I say something here?  
S/N: No.  
A/N: Bastard....  
S/N: Would you mind speaking up?  
A/N: o.o; I would mind very much....  
**  
Anyway, when the Battousai came to, his was stripped completely naked and hanging by his wrists from a marble pillar. Shortly, Nuriko stepped out wearing a leather body suit that looked like something from Janet Jackson's wardrobe. He smiled evilly at his prey and licked his lips as he drew a black, leather whip from behind his back. He swung it downward, letting it crack against the floor, making an ear piercing sound that made the Battousai cringe. Nuriko step forward menacingly and said, "I hope you're ready for some fun, Mr. Himura. We're gonna be REAL close for the next couple of days."  
  
**A/N: The plot thickens...  
K/N: What plot?  
A/N: Good question....  
S/N: Both of you, shut your mouths!  
**  
The Battousai could do nothing, as he was helpless and weak due to his weakling pacifist ideals. Also, the former author was tied up in the corner with leather straps, in a position much to Nuriko's liking. He also could do nothing as he was a weakling college student otaku who builds web sites and makes AMV's and fanfics all day. He clearly lacked any self defense skills.  
  
** A/N: I DO know karate, y'know.....  
S/N: For today's purposes, you don't.  
A/N: Fine, but I refuse to be ravaged in my own story!  
S/N: I fail to see the relevance.  
A/N: Huh?!  
S/N: This is no longer your story.  
A/N: ;_;   
K/N: Welcome to the club.  
**   
The battousai shrieked in a high pitched voice as Nuriko pulled from his box of "toys" a rather large instrument which was shaped like a-  
  
** A/N: PG-13! PG-13!  
S/N: What am I supposed to say then?! Ding-a-ling?!  
K/N: Doodle!  
S/N: I refuse to use such a silly word.  
A/N: Stick shift?  
K/N: A bit too blunt isn't it?  
S/N: What's wrong with the word penis?!  
A/N: Saitou, PG-13, remember?  
S/N: I could care less about ratings. Just for this interruption, you both shall be brutally ravaged by that cross dressing ninny!  
K/N: Now!  
**   
Before Nuriko could ravage Kenshin, he suddenly got in urge to have a man in uniform. That's when Hajime Saitou appeared in tight bondage. Kenshin broke himself free from his bindings as was given his reverse blade sword back. The author disappeared, returning to his place behind the keyboard. Nuriko then looked at the Mibu wolf with red hearts in his eyes and mischief on his face. Saitou found himself helpless as his limbs were completely numb and limp. Kenshin then exited Nuriko's house as 'Heart of Sword' blared in the background, making his exit more dramatic.  
  
** S/N: That was unforgivable. I don't believe you've ever seen my Gatoutsu up close.  
A/N: Oh, crap.....  
T/N: Dear, I've been looking for you! You promised you would make dinner!  
S/N: I'm sorry. I'm coming now....  
K/N: Looks like Saitou's whipped, that he is.  
S/N: I'll be back...then you'll both pay with your lives...  
**   
*Saitou ends up leaving with his wife, leaving Kenshin and the author standing there in a big, white place with nothing else around. They look around to see that they are in the 'No Plot Zone'*  
  
Kenshin looked to the author, "Um, what is this place?"  
  
The author was now in an expensive looking brown suit with dark shades and a bald head. "Mr. Himura, it's time for our mission. What do you choose?"  
  
Kenshin was now in a black trench coat with dark shades. With a serious face he replied, "Swords. Lot's of swords."  
  
A rack of swords surrounded them from both sides.  
  
The entire scene fades out, then fades back into Kenshin and the author in their normal states, vacantly standing about the No Plot Zone. Kenshin sighed, "This is going nowhere, that it is."  
  
The author nodded, "Yeah, I'll just end it right here.Well, anything to say to our readers before we go, Kenshin?"  
  
Kenshin nodded, "Yes indeed, I do. Help me! This author is nuts, that he is! God knows what he'll do to me in chapter 6!"  
  
The author smiled evilly, "I have no idea what you mean, Kenshin."  
  
Darkness then fell as red lightning flashed in the sky.  
  
"No idea at all...."  
  



	6. Part VI

Kenshin the Door to Door Salesman (That he is)

Chapter 6: Between Spirit World and a Hard Place (Part I)

One again, our unwilling hero continued on his hellish journey to sell his fellow animated characters a mystery product. Due to the author coming to his own senses, we finally know what Kenshin will be selling! 

The curious rurouni slowly opened the box and saw two big, yellow eyes. The inside of the box was entirely dark aside from the huge eyes that stared back at him. After an awkward silence her heard something quite familiar.

"Nyao!" said the creature as it hopped out, revealing itself to be Kuroneko, the famous cat in Trigun known for popping up at random moments. Kenshin raised an eyebrow in irritation at the author who somehow got a kick out of that. But, unfortunately, that was not it the mystery product. What was really the item Kenshin was to sell was a....

"Rusty trash can lid?" Kenshin blinked as he held it up, considering the idea that there might have been more to it. An interesting idea, indeed. Unfortunately, it wasn't THE idea the author had in mind. It was just a normal, everyday trash can lid. The only powers it might have had would be the ability to seal a garbage can or be used as a frisbee, maybe. Kenshin sweat dropped and placed it inside the box with an utterly irate look on his face.

He thought maybe that chapter four wasn't a good enough revenge idea. It had to be bigger than just a severe beating. But, he'd just do this route first. Walking toward his next street, 'Rei-gun Drive' Kenshin decided that the author needed mental help as he, himself needed help of the more physical kind. Maybe an army of 10 million men, each one riding his/her own tank. Or maybe an old U.S.S.R. war head.

This time, there weren't any houses. Just a big apartment building. It looked like it was at least 50 floors. The sight of it made Kenshin shake his head in disbelief, "This SUCKS, that it does!"

Just then, a piece of paper appear in his hand. Kenshin lifted it up to his face with an 'oro?' and slowly read the contents of it. Fortunately for Kenshin, it was a small list of apartments to visit. But, that bad news was each one was 10 floors apart. Kenshin was getting fed up with the author's crap by now. He would have much rather have been trapped in some dementedly desperate fangirl's basement who's downloaded every hentai pic of him on the net. Like the time some whacko fan girl named psychoticfangirlodoom846 locked him in her bedroom and redid the movie "Misery". All accept the sledgehammer, Kenshin would rather be back there.

Kenshin went inside to the lobby of this large apartment complex and came to see that a baby with a pacifier sat at the front desk, unattended. For the record, Kenshin loves kids, folks. He lifted up the baby and greeted him with baby talk before asking, "Your parents should know better than to leave you alone like this, that they should."

Kenshin noticed that his clothing was a bit unusual for a child, but as he thought about it, the child jumped from Kenshin's arms, landing gracefully on the ground with an outraged look on his face. He angrily pointed up at Kenshin and said, "How dare you?! Watch who you speak to in that manner, LITTLE man! I'm 100 times your age and I get to decided where you go when you die!"

"Oro?" replied Kenshin. Mostly confused about how a baby could speak so clearly with a pacifier in its mouth, let alone speak clearly at all.

The 'baby' then stood straight with his hands behind his back and said, "I am Koenma, ruler of spirit world. What the hell do you want?"

Kenshin, keeping back his urge to freak out, whipped out his trust box, and gave his little company introduction. Of course, the author was too lazy to retype all of it, so if you don't know, go back a few chapters. He won't deny being a lazy bastard, that's for sure.

Koenma's face lit up as Kenshin opened the box, revealing the rusty trash can lid, "Wooooow! An old model Yusuke Urameshi Whacker™! I'll take it!"

The shock knocked Kenshin to the floor in the form of a face fault. 

Koenma poked Kenshin a couple time with the tip of his shoe and held up a gold plated 'Spirit Charge' card, "Hey. Do you take credit?"

Kenshin sweat dropped.

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Kenshin moved up the staircase with his body drenched with sweat and a vocabulary full of.....unhappy words. When he finally made it to the tenth floor, he collapsed at the top of the flight of stairs. He tried catching his breath as another piece of paper appeared in his hand.

Author's note: :-O NO SLACKING, BOY! ^^Thanks.

Kenshin balled up the piece of paper and threw it down the hall in complete frustration. He stood there and took a deep breath before letting out a stress filled scream which caused the entire building to vibrate. Unfortunately, that caused one of the tenants to come out with an unhappy look on his face. The muscular figure with dark pants and an olive greet wife beater came marching over to Kenshin and towered over him. 

The man lifted up his black shades and sneered, "I don't like it when people come here and wake me up. I have things to do in the morning. Like making ice demons cry by killing birds, killing old women I used to be partners with, and beating up school kids with special powers! Do you know how hard that is?! Well, it's not hard at all, really, but it's the PRINCIPLE!"

Kenshin quickly bowed, "I apologize, that I do."

The man smirked, "I think twenty percent should be more than enough for you...."

"Oro?"

Moments later, Kenshin's body had been knocked down through all ten floors and he was back in front of Koenma's desk, battered and draped with injuries. Koenma looked down and said, "Oh, hi again. I know we don't have elevators, but for a quick way down, please use the windows. It's less costly."

Kenshin promptly passed out.

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Weeks later, after hospitalization, Kenshin was back on the tenth floor of the apartment complex. Careful not to make the slightest peep, he made his way to the proper apartment. He softly knocked on the door. Almost immediately, it slowly opened. There stood a pale man in a business suit with long hair. Kenshin smiled nervously and said, "Hello! I'm Kenshin Himura, authorized by my company to sell you this new product."

The man looked at Kenshin quizzically and then turned back inside, "Brother, it's for you! Another salesman!"

Kenshin, for some reason had a very foreboding feeling when he heard those footsteps. When the person in question finally came to the door, he realized it was the same man who put him in the hospital. He sneered at Kenshin and said, "Not only are you noisy....you're a salesman, too?! I think it's time to show him what it means to annoy the Toguro brothers...right, brother?"

The first guy gave out a stupid sounding scream as he nodded in agreement. Kenshin slowly backed up into a wall, "Get away from me! Stop! I've got powerful lawyers! I'll sue! I'LL SUE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

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At the hospital, Kenshin rested in a full body cast as a red haired nurse with a crab shaped hair style came into the room, wheeling a huge, weird looking machine. She moved it right next to Kenshin's bed and smiled grandly, "Hello! My name is Washu! The greatest scientific mind in the universe! I would like to congratulate you on becoming by new guinea pig! You must be very honored!"

Kenshin let out a muffled "nuh-uh!" as he lacked the ability to move his neck, let alone shake his head. Washu began to hook what looked like jumper cables to Kenshin's bed. Kenshin screamed in complete fright as Washu's machine began to whir, crackle and power up. 

Washu, still smiling explained, "This is my instant health restoration machine! It works by vaporizing a person into ashes and then piecing the ashes together one by one, then restoring the ashes into flesh and so on, bringing the person into a completely healthy state. Of course, it also doubles as a torture device that thirty billion space terrorists have been begging me to sell to them being that the process is so painful! But, that's neither here or there! In fact, forget I mentioned that last part, 'kay?"

Kenshin screamed even louder this time. Washu looked over and giggled, "Wow! You must be really excited to test out this baby! Well, let's begin!"

From outside of the hospital room, the sounds of crackling energy, a screaming Kenshin and a cackling Washu could be heard....all through the night.

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Weeks later, Kenshin returned to the complex and decided that it was best that he skip to the twentieth floor. Once again, he was drenched with sweat and a bigger reason to slaughter the author without the courtesy of being quick, nor clean about it. He came to the next door and knocked. The door swung open, and there stood an irate looking man with spiked hair, wearing all black.

The man spat "What is it, human?! I'm busy!" 

Kenshin held out his open box to him and said, "I'm selling this new product. It's a...uh, Yusuke Urameshi Whacker™?"

The man rubbed his chin, "Interesting....how much?"

Suddenly, yet another piece of paper appeared in Kenshin's hand. He reluctantly read the contents of it.

Author's note: One billion yen!

The short, man in black stared Kenshin down and sighed, "Well, I suppose you do drive a hard bargain, you stupid, foolish weakling human, you. I'll take it. Let me make a phone call."

He suddenly whipped out a cell phone and hit some speed dial numbers, "Kurama. It's time to go....banking."

A split second later, Kenshin felt a presence behind him. When he spun around, he saw a tall guy with long white hair and fox ears. If that wasn't weird enough for Kenshin, the guy had bundles upon bundles of money held in his arms. Not to mention, he had the most terrifying grin Kenshin had ever seen. And Kenshin has seen many a-terrifying grin.

"O-oro?" asked Kenshin.

The guy suddenly dropped all the money a Kenshin's feet. He walked by Kenshin and petted his head as he walked into the apartment with the short man in black, closing the door behind them. Kenshin sighed as he looked down at the money that....wasn't there anymore. Once again, a piece of paper materialized into his hand.

Author's note: : ) YOINK!

Kenshin then noticed his belt felt kind of light. He sighed in frustration as the battousai began to surface.

Meanwhile, inside the previous apartment, the white haired man shoved a sheathed samurai sword in the short man's face, "Hiei! Look what I got! Look what I got!" 

Hiei shook his head, "Grow up, Yoko..."

Yoko Kurama frowned up his face, "Sure thing, Captain Killjoy....." he then unsheathed his latest prize.

Outside the apartment, as Kenshin looked desperately for his sword, he heard a voice from behind a door shouting, "This is some bullshit!" Suddenly, the door to Hiei's apartment opened as the reverse blade sword came flying out with the speed of an arrow, smacking the wandering salesman upside his head with the hilt.

Quote the Kenshin..."Oroooooo..." And a thud promptly followed.

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End file.
